I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize