You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
