Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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