we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
