I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
