So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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