one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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