we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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