if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
