I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
