I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I want a musical about memes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
