cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
