I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
