I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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