Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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