Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
