I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
