My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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