I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
