so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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