I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
