Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
