The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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