I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My dad just said "fuck circus"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm always down for nudity.
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