Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
