You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
