girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
