im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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