my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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