people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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