So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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