Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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