3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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