So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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