yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Drunk is not a location!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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