I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
