Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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