just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
