u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
