Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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