Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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