my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
A bitchslap is in order.
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