he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
