she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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