I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
