My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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