I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
