I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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