I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
