the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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