While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
COCAINE IS GR8
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize