how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
