She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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