A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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