buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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