he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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