i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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