was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
time to smoke my breakfast
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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