guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
