found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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