dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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