I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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