Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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