This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
