Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I came so hard my ears popped.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
