Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
