Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
