I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it's like iHOP with fire
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we're so committed to being not committed
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
