i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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