ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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